What does it mean to forgive? What does it mean to be forgiven? You may think that the answer to these questions is simple, but if you take a moment to think about it you will realize that the matter is more complex than it seems. After all, we cannot undo what was done; we cannot do what was left undone when the time to act has passed. When we have wronged or disappointed others, we cannot expect them to act as though nothing has happened. What, then, does forgiveness offer the forgiven?
Let’s look at two metaphors that are used to describe forgiveness, one Biblical – נשא, neso, to carry – and one Rabbinic – מחל, mehol, to forgive or cancel a debt. Each one frames the act of forgiving in a different way. The first, carrying, makes us think of sin as a burden, weighing us down with guilt and despair. When God forgives us, a weight is lifted from our shoulders, making it possible for us to move forward. The second metaphor imagines sin as a debt incurred to God and to a fellow human being, a debt that can never be repaid. Only by having that debt canceled through an act of grace on the part of the creditor can we hope to break free of our indebtedness.
An important difference between these two images is the following. In the first case, the burden created by sin still exists; it simply has been shifted to someone else’s shoulders – God’s. In the second, the sin no longer has any claim upon the sinner; any and all obligations stemming from the sin have been erased from the books.
And indeed, both of these are true. When we forgive or are forgiven by someone, we cannot erase the past. Being forgiven does not mean, unfortunately, that there will not be irreversible consequences of our actions, and we must accept these. What forgiveness means is that both the forgiver and the forgiven recognize the humanity of the sinner and the sad fact that we are all flawed flesh and blood. Forgiveness gives us permission to stop dwelling on the past and start building a better future. Let us hope that we have the wisdom and compassion to offer others the same sort of forgiveness we so much hope they will grant us. Shanah Tovah.
-Rabbi Eliezer Diamond
