Talking to our Children: Helping to Find the Words
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Dear Parents,
In Judaism, we learn about the Mitzvah of Tikkun Olam, Repair of the World. As a child, I was protected from much of the brokenness of the world. As I grew and became more aware, I often wrestled with the world around me. Why do bad things happen? What can I do to make it better? Are we safe? Will it all be okay? These questions came to me differently depending on my age. I was truly blessed with wonderful parents and teachers who helped me learn, grow, and most importantly, feel safe.
As each of us, parents and educators alike, personally experience the brokenness of the world, it is up to us to also be present for our children. Often, we struggle with feeling ill prepared for this responsibility. We at BA want to support you as you navigate this difficult and challenging time. Although each family must make the decisions that are right for them and their children, here are some suggestions and resources that may help you on this journey.
Many years ago I was given some very wise advice that I have always carried with me: Listen to the question your child is asking, and only answer that question. Answer with developmentally appropriate words and phrases. Do not give them more than they asked.
1. Talk to your children about being and feeling safe. Reassure their concerns. 2. Know that young children may not ask questions or be aware of what is happening specifically, however they sense when their parents and teachers are upset. 3. Follow the advice of Fred Rogers. Help them look for the heroes. 4. Provide a safe space to give them opportunities to ask questions. When they have finished, respect that, and allow them to move on with their day. 5. Do not stray too far from routines. Children of all ages depend on “normalcy” to feel safe. 6. Limit screen time or conversations about what happened around your children. 7. Speak in truths. Give information that is truthful and honest. Do not try and protect them with information that is not factual. 8. If old enough, empower them to use their voices and be heroes. Let them know about opportunities to write letters or send pictures to Government officials. Give them an opportunity to participate in Tikkun Olam. 9. Know that children and youth continue to process on their own time schedule.
They may not ask any questions at first, and then speak up two weeks later at bedtime or in a car ride.
Please remember: Rabbi Carnie Shalom Rose, Rabbi Jeffrey Abraham, Cantor Sharon Nathanson, Rabbi Dr. Neal Rose, Liessa Alperin, Anita Kraus, and Kyla Gersten are here to support you in any way you need.
