Elul is the Hebrew month preceding the High Holy Days. There are many traditions observed during this month including making time for personal self reflection, study and awareness of our actions towards others. This year's Elevating Elul series includes the reflections and voices of our congregants to help us come together as a community and prepare for the new year.
As we continue to reflect and meditate during the month of Elul, we often face the more challenging questions in our lives whose answers are not always clear. Below, BA member Jackie Lueg has shared an intimate part of her life as an example.
Elul Reflections By: Jackie Lueg
It is difficult to image how life can change in an instant; and the future you imagined is now gone.
A little over three years ago my husband suffered a major stroke. After months of rehab, he seemed to be doing well, however, about a month after coming home he suffered another stroke that left him unable to walk.
His life now consists of lying in bed or sitting in a wheelchair. His left arm and leg are useless, and he has no sight in his left eye and the vision in his right eye is somewhat impaired. I am his caregiver afternoons and weekends.
As he continues to deteriorate slowly before my eyes, I find myself caught in a major dilemma. As much as I want him to be with me, I do not want to see him deteriorate further. I find myself, perhaps somewhat selfishly, thinking of my future, wondering how to rebuild the life I had before he became ill; and asking myself if I really do want to rebuild that life.
I hope during the month of Elul, as well as this Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, I will have the opportunity to look deep within myself to become a better caregiver, and a better person - and to find my new direction.
